This one is a real story about me. Lunchtime at the workplace and I felt so bad inside. I was not aware that I was talking to myself in front of my colleague and she asked me, “Cielo, are you okay?” Then I replied without hesitation, “No, I feel shit.” She saw me talking to myself like a crazy person. That is beyond embarrassing, but at least I tried to be still and answered her honestly the reason behind my unguarded “soliloquy“.
It’s usual for me to find myself talking out loud to myself, especially when I am fighting or debating against myself. But, it’s the first time that someone saw me doing that.
Self-talk is an excellent way to manage your response to every negative situation and stress. It is the most powerful form of communication because it could either beat you or set you free.
Now, let’s try to solve the mystery of negativity. Positive self-talk. How to be mindful of your conversation.
Are you aware of the problem? Try to ask yourself with these 3 questions:
- Do you frequently feel tired?
- Are you often keyed-up?
- Are you easily irritated by minor things?
Like humans, feelings have different faces, too, that most likely appear when we express certain fundamental emotions through universal facial expressions that are usually recognizable to people from different cultures.
Now, let’s start by deciphering the process:
You are not alone. Many people go through lives unaware of how they feel or what causes negative their feelings. Instead, they just know that something doesn’t feel right. They don’t feel content, get easily irritated, have lack of energy, or are anxious and worried. And they do not know why…
Identifying and labeling negative emotions can be intimidating but is necessary for the transformation to contentment. Remember the uneasiness you feel while going through this process is normal, but positive as well. You are learning how to control the feelings, rather than having them control you.
So what now?
Identify the problem. Ask yourself questions about what you disapprove of. What you don’t like. This will help you begin the information gathering process.
Slow down. When we are upset, we often just react. We do not pay attention to the thoughts that led us to feel this emotion. It is important to take some time to analyze your thoughts, so it is easier to consider your next step.
Think about the problem. Putting your thoughts on paper can help you sort through your thinking. This demystifies the process of understanding how you feel.
And then ask yourself.
“If I change these thoughts will I feel better?”
With patience and practice, negative thoughts will become positive thoughts.
Change is never easy. But if you remember to take on positive self-talk in three steps, with time and patience, you will teach yourself how to feel content and happy.
- Identify. Figure out what the problem is.
- Debate. I do this often. Challenge negative thoughts with more positive ones.
- Practice. This won’t change overnight, but with time, positive thoughts will become more automatic.
Way back after my cancer treatment in the Philippines then I went back right after to Vietnam, I can still picture how I lost my self-esteem. Getting a life after cancer is a struggle. My skin was burned and got very bad – broken and painful. It’s easy to worry about every ache and pain. I find myself very ugly. I lost weight; I was in fact, malnourished. Hoping that there was always someone to talk to but I couldn’t find one that I was looking for.
I started to meditate. Meditation is to train your brain to focus on the task at hand. And it takes time to focus on nothing more than your breathing and senses; which, eventually; it improves your awareness to resist destructive impulses.
I gave it a try and each time negative thoughts are clouding my mind now, positive thoughts just become automatic. It taught me to master the hiatus – stop & look and remain still.
How do you talk about your ideas?
You can write it down, talk to someone you can rely on, or talk to yourself in a more positive way.
Here’s the most extraordinary statement referring to the genesis of such illuminating state of awareness, comes from Mozart,
“When I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer… it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best and most abundantly. Whence and how they come, I know not, nor I can force them.”
Cielo Superticioso, is the author of The Cancer Voice Asia created last August 2017. She starts the advocacy of The Cancer Voice after she successfully beat cancer in Saigon, Vietnam by writing articles. She is committed and determined to continue the campaign in order to strengthen the cancer awareness because no one should fight cancer alone.