Have you ever asked yourself,

“What can I do with my time that is important?”

I can never think about the past that my parents became very successful in their endeavors in life.

Before my father died, he was unemployed for years, ended up selling animals while suffering from a heart disease and had unending uphill love and war battle with my mother.

My mother, having a chronic negativity where I don’t know which is more important to her, money or family.

My parents dream to have the biggest house in our village but only ended up of losing the house they dream of and also lost the “home” we were dreaming of as a child.

My sister and I learned a lot in life since we were young out of from a dysfunctional family that we come from.

Despite these childhood experiences, I struggle to find my passion, do something above mediocrity, explore life and discover the things I really want.

I thought I just only want to be a blogger, I already made that dream come true a year ago. But I never realize that being a blogger offers me more challenge which I could not imagine if I can do this mission.

Being committed to an advocacy against cancer is a very slow journey with uncertain results.

And whenever things are falling apart I started thinking of giving up.

And I had given up MANY TIMES!

But, whenever I am failing to anything I choose to do what I love, I am always looking back from my past.

What my life had been through and all the failures happening since I was young until now. Maybe I blame all these failures from my past?

Why? Why I can’t have these goals I want to get. But then, I look back a bit further, a year ago, I called myself a blogger. I made many mistakes and decisions – but here I am, I am still writing.

I may be not the best blogger or writer or not one of them but my desire is insatiable.  The fact that, I am still relentless in strengthening the cancer awareness to the utmost part of Asia through writing. And that desire is just getting stronger. No matter how hard, no matter how impossible things I may want to happen.

I asked myself many times, “Should I quit or when will I stop doing this?”

Is there an end anyway?

My only desire, too, is to love and share the love. And I sometimes hate myself for being that kind of person.

Back in those days, I was a young girl who was very quiet, timid with a very low-esteem, yet I rose up from those weak qualities and each stumbles makes me much stronger as I grow older.

As a young girl that always love to be alone and never dream to be a teacher or anyone but instead she only keeps daydreaming a lot as if those are the reality.

As a young girl that never stops writing “Dear Diary” until teenage years and passed a single article at college days that gives her a broken heart because it was not accepted by the college publication.

As a young girl that could never feel a love from the parents who had also some narcissistic problem since her younger days until she grows older.

I become much stronger every after another trip I made around the sun. It’s not because I was filled with love, hugs, and encouragement from my parents. Or even a simple motivation to hold on whenever things fall apart.

Coz’ never ever had I heard that even until my father died.

But, here I am, too ambitious to break that downbeat past.

I feel unloved since I was young but I never fail to give more love and everything I had. No matter how traumatic giving all the love, I still have the audacity to give more.

I am already beyond the edge of giving up my dream, not my profession as a teacher, but to touch the lives of other people, helping and loving and giving them hope.

Because my dream is too big and impossible.

But, I realize, when I have to pause after being too exhausted of trying and crying as much as I could until no tears left. I find myself again encouraging me one more time.

There is nothing is impossible.

Coz’ the struggle just made me much wiser and stronger.

Of every dream that I really want to reach, of every star and the moon I want to have. I cried out loud for them before I can reach them and have them.

We are all different. We have different desires that make our selves happy. And what makes you happy, it’s where you must go. Go and follow that happiness, there is no need to look behind and please people.

My desire to be a cancer advocate both makes me happy and sorrowful yet after all every struggle I’ve been through, there is no any single regret I felt within.

I wrote this as a humble invitation – try to do the part that you are able to do. Whether to share on your own words not mine about this advocacy, give leads on how to show hope to these children who are suffering from cancer, and to give them a chance to do their dreams.

We know that cancer exists, but that is not enough.

Hi, my name is Cielo, I am a cancer blogger in Asia and a cancer survivor. And I never think twice to be committed in this path I chose even I will lose things I left behind or even cancer may come back.

And before I end this chat with you, leaving you these last few verses from Mark Manson to help you find your life’s purpose:
In case you haven’t seen the news lately, the world has a few problems. And by “a few problems,” what does it mean is,

“everything is fucked and we’re all going to die.”

To live a happy and healthy life, we must hold on to values that are greater than our own pleasure or satisfaction.

So pick a problem and start saving the world. There are plenty to choose from. Our screwed up education systems, economic development, domestic violence, mental health care, governmental corruption.

Find a problem you care about and start solving it. Obviously, you’re not going to fix the world’s problems by yourself. But you can contribute and make a difference. And that feeling of making a difference is ultimately what’s most important for your own happiness and fulfillment.

Cielo

My name is Cielo, the author of “The Cancer Voice Asia”, a blog that aims to support and inspire anyone who is facing cancer. I know how it feels to be diagnosed with a rare and aggressive type of cancer, Leiomyosarcoma, at the age of 29. I know the challenges, the fears, the hopes, and the joys of living with cancer. I want to share my story with you and connect you with others who understand what you are going through. Together, we can empower ourselves and fight against the disease. Join me on this platform and let’s make our healing journey a meaningful one.