1st Journal

Written last 24 March 2016, Thursday

As I had said to my friends (from Sarcoma Alliance Group) around the world who are also experiencing a rare kind of disease, Sarcoma, with different subtypes, I am going to document my clinical trial or, rather, shall I say, my treatment; which will be starting next week, in the Philippines. One of them is anticipating how is my trial will be done and it will be done in my country.

As I had mentioned, having a cancer is a privilege, never a curse. I am going to start documenting each day of the trial or the treatment. As an introduction to my documentation, I will start it today, which is written in Hong Kong. Of course, I will make every single thing that I have in my life very special. Whether a person, a place or even a disease, like cancer.

This day, after doing some errands and went out sightseeing in a chilly and rainy weather of Hong Kong, I decided to watch a movie, picked randomly in my best friend’s abode. And, that was, “The Martian”; wherein you can see and appreciate the Art of Solitude or the Aesthetic of Silence (whichever you find appealing to you).

To start, Mark Watney, was talking to his students who are aspiring to be an astronaut in the time ahead. He started talking about his survival on a deserted planet on his own shit. That is obviously disgusting which he hates to discuss it again. When he was there, stranded, by himself, a lone astronaut, facing uncertainties in the Planet Mars. Did he think he is going to die? Yes. Absolutely!

Whatever challenges or unwanted privileges any persons are now experiencing, death is more likely to happen. Anytime — anytime soon. Especially when something does not want to cooperate. Like cancer. But, whatever you are now having, whether you are stuck in a deserted desert, suffering from a rejection, lost a job or someone you love, or even cancer. These things can’t be changed, nor, no turning back. It’s true, there are two things you can do. You can either accept that or work things out. Well, it’s better to do both. Having one of these is just a beginning. It’s like an arithmetic, solving one problem first, then another problem next. If you had solved enough problems, you can come home, find your worth, find the deserved fate, whether a job or a special person or fight cancer and beat it until it’ll surrender.

When I found out that I have cancer, Leiomyosarcoma, Grade 2. Was I thinking that I’m going to die? Yes, but not soon. I even already see myself inside the coffin, singing songs for a person who is about to die or already died, and writing poems or letters for the few special persons in my life. The fact is, this is not the first most tragical trial, or shall we say, tribulation I had experienced. Why was I given another heavier one? The heaviest? Cos’ I totally forgot the past. I always live a life, what I have now. I cannot change the time and say, “No, I don’t have cancer.”

I make things happen. I’m about to leave Hong Kong, which I was conceiving this idea since last year. But, I’m going back soon. I am leaving and going to face another phase of my life in the Philippines. Then go back to Vietnam. For sure I might not stay longer in Ho Chi Minh, I suppose so.

I will go home soon, where I have to get my clinical trial. Oh well… it’s just a radiation therapy. Hopefully, sooner, I will be N.E.D. or No Evidence of Disease or Not Entirely Dead (yet).

I NEVER FEEL ANXIOUS BEFORE MY TRIAL STARTS. I ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

Cielo

My name is Cielo, the author of “The Cancer Voice Asia”, a blog that aims to support and inspire anyone who is facing cancer. I know how it feels to be diagnosed with a rare and aggressive type of cancer, Leiomyosarcoma, at the age of 29. I know the challenges, the fears, the hopes, and the joys of living with cancer. I want to share my story with you and connect you with others who understand what you are going through. Together, we can empower ourselves and fight against the disease. Join me on this platform and let’s make our healing journey a meaningful one.